Thinking of You
by drinkswithdamon
Summary: It has been 6 days since Katherine brought the cure and I find myself wanting to rest my face on Damon's chest and simply cry. I  couldn't help but crave both his company and his skin... DELENA - set after 2x22
1. Begin

**Authors Note: **Hello my dear readers! Whether you've stumbled across this story on purpose or by accident, I welcome you.  
>My name is Otter and I am not new to Fanfiction. Before we begin, you should know some things right off of the bat.<p>

1) This is **Delena **fanfiction. You will most certainly find romance between the two, however there will also be a love triangle still present. Elena will not forget about Stefan (but she won't be kissing, hugging, etc. him. I promise! Save that for Damon!)

2) This story is set right after **2x22 "As I lay dying"**. Meaning this story is my idea of the what happened after Katherine left, and after that sensational kiss!

3) If you're looking for ** smut, **don't look here. I am NOT going to be writing out any sex scenes. Intense make-outs and perhaps a scene that simply ends with a clear suggestion of what is happening next will probably happen. But I'm not going into detail. Not that I don't enjoy good Delena smut, but I prefer to write realistic and heart-warming stories...not short, quick ones where everyone screws around every night.

4) Generally I won't involve any characters **besides the trio and the other important ones – like Jeremy, Bonnie, Ric... **I can't promise Caroline and Tyler and Matt, but don't be shocked if Caroline shows up for some reason and so does Matt or Tyler. I won't be focusing on their story, though. So don't expect it.

5) Just **enjoy!** Please please please send me suggestions on what you think should happen or, if you were me, what would you make better?

With that, I thank you. And now...GO, READ CHAPTER 1! :D

_- Otter_


	2. Aches

**Aches**

Part of me wishes that the last few days were nothing but a dream, but deep down I know that Stefan is gone. He has sacrificed himself for his brother. He gave in to the hunger that transformed him into a monster. He was a monster, wasn't he? I saw, last time, with my own two eyes as he almost ripped apart Amber. I saw that, if Bonnie didn't stop him, he would have killed her.

...But that wasn't Stefan. That was the ripper, the monster, that took over and replaced the sweet and kind vampire that was Stefan Salvatore. This wasn't him, no. No. It wasn't. I had to find him. We, Damon and I, had to find him. Oh God...what was he doing now? Katherine's words consumed my head. _He just sacrificed everything to save his brother, including you._

Her words were like knives being stabbed and twisted into my heart so deep that I couldn't pull them out. They burned, and I found myself wrapping my arms around my chest. It was hard for me to accept the fact that Stefan chose Damon over me.. and yet, it wasn't at the same time. I would chose Jeremy over Stefan. I would chose Jeremy over anybody because Jeremy was my brother. And Damon was Stefan's brother. So why did it hurt so badly?

I heard Katherine again in that same tone and in the same breath, _It's a good thing you have Damon to keep you company._ That was another thing entirely; Damon. He was the light in my darkness, that little strand of hope that Stefan would return to normal and come back to me. Back to his brother. I trusted Damon to find him and cure him of this awful new ripper personality. To snatch him away from the clutch of Klaus and bring him back to my safe, loving embrace.

Thinking about Stefan hurt.

Thinking about Katherine hurt.

_It's OK to love them both. I did._

Thinking about Damon hurt. I couldn't deny it any longer that watching Damon slowly die was probably the most painful thing I've ever had to witness. Cradling him against my chest, and then resting my head on him... the memory is fresh and I find myself clutching my chest even harder. Hearing his awful confession, _I deserve to die. _I couldn't even think when he gasped the words from his lips. Actually all I could think was "No, you don't." and I think that's what I said, too. Damon didn't deserve to die. He certainly had done more than enough damage to my heart and mind – but he didn't deserve to die. I knew Damon. I knew Damon better than he knew himself.

He cared. He felt something for me. That night, on his death bed, he had admitted it. In a way I suppose I had known all along. He had done so much to protect me that, in my mind, overshadowed what he had done to hurt me.

Even now, he still protected me. Damon had become my shoulder to cry on. It has been 6 days since Katherine brought the cure and I find myself wanting to rest my face on Damon's chest and simply cry. I wanted Stefan here. I needed him, here. Damon understood that, too, which made it so easy for me to cry to him. Although he never hugged me in an embrace, or told me everything would be OK, he simply listened when I told him how I felt. I whined, begged, shouted, and bitched and he would just sit there and watch me. He was an incredible listener and it actually worked, too. I vented a lot to him and he's _always _been willing to listen.

But I can't help but fear the day when he won't listen anymore. When he tells me that Stefan is gone off of the deep end and I should give up. But I won't give up. I can't.

I'm so absorbed in my thoughts that I barely hear the knock at the door. Nonetheless, I DO hear it and whisper a soft, "Come in."

I'm sprawled out across Stefan's bed. I always sleep in here, every night. Yes, I've moved into the Salvatore house. It's easier this way. Easier for everyone.

Except Damon, who hopelessly loves me and has to watch me cry over his baby brother.

He enters the room now looking stunning, like always. "It's late," he says and walks over to join me on Stefan's bed. I sit upright, nodding my head once.

"I know. I just can't sleep tonight. Too much thinking."

"Well, don't think." He suggests with a simple shrug and a cocky smirk. I roll my eyes.

"That's hard to do..." my eyes trail around the room. "I miss him, Damon."

"I know, Elena."

"Don't you?"

"Yes... but I'm not wallowing in pity. I'm living and doing the best I can to find him." Damon insists.

"Where do you think he could be? He hasn't called or texted or anything. " I say, my eyes blinking slowly. I would think, even as the ripper, he would have some class to call in.

"It's been almost a week. I have no clue." Damon admits. "As for the call thing...I think that he might be too busy to start punching in phone numbers."

I nod. "Right.. Damon, how bad is it?" My voice is barely a whisper.

"Stefan is pretty much screwed."

"So why doesn't he just resist?" I ask eagerly, leaning forward and moving closer to my comforting friend. I was overly aware that my body was inches from touching him. I don't mean to sound attracted to Damon, but his touch was addicting. From the moment I held him waiting for him to take his last breath to now, I couldn't help but crave both his company and his skin. It made me feel safe.

His eyes find mind, searching for something and seemingly finding what he's looking for. "He doesn't want to resist."

Doesn't want to resist? How absurb. "No, Damon...he's resisted human blood. I've seen him do it and he's done it for..what, all these years now? He just needs some sense talked into him. If only he would call-"

He interrupted me. "No, Elena. He doesn't want to resist. He enjoys it. When Stefan gets the taste of human blood, it drives him wild. Then he starts feeding off of people. Killing people, and laughing as he does it."

There must have been pain in my eyes, because Damon's eyes filled with pain as well. "What if he doesn't come back, Damon? What will we do? What if he stays this way?"

"I don't know." He admitted.

We sat in silence for a very long time, just gazing at each other and feeding off of the other's pain. Damon, generally, did not show his extreme concern for Stefan but deep down I knew he wanted his brother back more than anything. Damon realized that Stefan had saved his life. Now it was his turn to save Stefan's.

But in this mess where did I fit in? I just wanted my boyfriend back. But sitting here these days, talking with Damon, made me wonder if my boyfriend even existed anymore. He might never be the Stefan that I loved. If Stefan came back and wouldn't change, I wouldn't be able to do it.

"What are you thinking about?" Damon murmured, watching me.

I blinked at him and sighed, reaching out to lightly place my hand on his. The touch was eletricfying and at once I felt comforted. His skin was so soft, so smooth, I absolutely needed to feel his presence. Damon definitely was the only thing keeping me sane.  
>"Right now I'm thinking about how you keep me sane. How I can't lose you." I admitted, looking at him innocently. He breathed out through his nose and nodded lightly.<p>

"You won't lose me, Elena. I'm here, Stefan or no Stefan."

His words took me back to that night – 6 days ago where I had placed a kiss upon Damon's lips. We did not discuss my action and I was dead set on not bringing it up if he didn't. Maybe Damon realized it was a sorrowful goodbye and it was most definitely not me returning the feelings back to him.

I smiled. "Thank you, Damon. I.. I don't think I could do this without you."

He returned a charming smile back to me. "I know. Now," he stood and patted the bed. "Get some rest. You need your energy. Try not to think too much."

I crawled beneath the covers and turned onto my side, watching him begin to descend out the door. Right before he left, I said, "Damon?"

He turned, "Yes, Miss Elena?"

"Sweet dreams."

He watched me for a second before giving me that small smile and a nod. "Good night."

I shut my eyes, trying to forget about Stefan and forget about everything in this cruel world. Escaping reality, even for a few hours, will be blissful. Just slowly fall asleep...drift away...c'mon Elena...fall asleep...

_I am..in a house? A room? No, not just any room. Damon's room. I see the gold bed in the corner and for a split second think about getting in it. Something stops me – someone's voice. "Elena?"_

_As soon as I heard his voice my knees almost gave out. "Stefan!" I cried, watching him as he stood in the doorway. He looked extremely tired and there was something off about him. Something that was hard to miss...oh, the blood. He was smeared in blood. His lips, his hands, his shirt: all soiled with the red frosting. I tried to go to him but something wasn't allowing me. My feet would not move. I could not get to Stefan. "No! Stefan, come here."_

_He looked at me and growled, "No, Elena. I will not go to you. Not after what you did."_

"_Stefan? .. What did I do? Stefan, just please. Come here. Come to me Stefan. We can get through this. This isn't you! I know it isn't! Please!" I shouted, desperate for him to put his arms around my body._

"_Why do you feel for him, Elena?"_

"_Stefan, I love you. Please. Come here." _

"_I saved him and he took you from me." Stefan whined, face crumbling in pain. "He took you and you feel for him. Don't you want me anymore? Save me, Elena."_

_I cried his name, trying to get him to come to me, but he w ouldn't. I still could not move. Desperate, I shrieked out loud and within a moment Stefan was gone. He left. He didn't want to come back._

_Damon...where's Damon? Damon! I started cying his name now. I needed Damon to listen to me. To hear this; to see this. Please, Damon, where are you? _

"I'm right here, Elena."

A voice broke through my unconsciousness. A name fell from my lips, but I couldn't tell which name it was. I was being shaken. Why? Who would rattle me like this?

"Open your eyes, Elena."

I did as I was told but it was still dark. "I can't! It won't work! My eyes..they won't open!" I cried, sobbing tears and crying out, "Damon!" Arms wrapped around me, pulling me into an embrace. I hoped that whoever this person was didn't mind me staining their clothes with my tears.

"Shh," the husky voice cooed. "It's dark. I'm here. You are awake, but it is dark and you can't see." Realization set in that I was now awake and pitifully crying over something that hadn't happened. A dream, I suppose.

But yet I continued to cry. "He doesn't want me. He doesn't want to come back for me."

Damon embraced me tighter. "Don't give up, Elena."

"No," I insisted. "I'm not giving up. But he doesn't want to come back for me...what can I do?"

He did not reply for a long time, and if it weren't for his arms around me, I would have not known that he was even here. Finally, his voice broke through the silence. "You have to accept the fact that Stefan has changed.. that everything has changed."

I took a deep, shaky breath and considered telling Damon not to leave me. But I couldn't do that.

"Everything has changed," I agreed.

"Maybe for the better."

If I could see his face, and he mine, I would have looked at him in disgust. What could be better about losing Stefan and having him become the ripper? Before I could protest, I remember that Damon and I have gotten closer beacause of Stefan.

I didn't say anything for a long time.

"Are you okay now?" Damon asked. "You're not going to scream out at three in the morning?"

It's three in the morning? "I'm okay."

"Well, I'm glad." I felt his arms slipping off of me. Panicked, I grabbed them. He was very still, wondering why I grabbed him.

"Damon?"

"...Yes, Elena?"

"Thank you."

"For?"

"For being here for me. You didn't ask for any of this. You don't have to deal with me and my horrible outbursts and cries...but you do." I whispered.

"You should know by now that I'll always be here for you." He stated simply. I nodded.

"I know that. And I know that Stefan is your brother. It's hurting you, too, thinking of him being with Klaus. You don't have to admit it to me, but I can tell. I know you, Damon, better than anyone. Don't give up, Damon. I won't if you won't."  
>Damon did not say anything for a few moments, and I wondered if he had passed out by accident or if he simply didn't know what to say. "Damon?"<p>

"Hm?" He mumbled.

"Oh. Just checking to see if you were..you know, awake." I admitted sheepishly.

He laughed. "I'm quite awake, but I'm pretty pissed you woke me up with your screaming." He was teasing me and I knew it. "What was happening ?"

"Bad dream... about Stefan. I was trying to go to him but my feet wouldn't move. He wouldn't come to me. " I explained.

"Dreams suck," He said matter-of-factly.

"Sometimes." I retorted. His arms pulled out from underneath me and this time I did not try to stop them. He disappeared now; I couldn't sense him at all.

"Good night Elena." His voice whispered through the darkness.

I whispered, "G'night." even though he might have already headed back to his bedroom. Somehow I managed to drift back to sleep – this time with no bad dreams, I hoped.

**Ah, first chapter done! I thought it was rather a great start. Thanks for reading! I tried to include some Delena without jumping into any waters too soon. :-) Right now Elena just needs him as a friend...****but will that change? Please review!**

_**- Otter**_


	3. The Other Salvatore

**The Other Salvatore**

The aroma of breakfast had woken me. My eyes fluttered open softly and I felt the aftermath of crying last night that was my dry eyes and disgusting sleepers stuck in the corner of my eye. Sitting upright, I become coherent to my surroundings; another morning greeted by Stefan's vacant bedroom. I stretch and then begin forcing my body to carry itself to the bathroom where I look in the mirror and groan at my hideous appearance.

I'm a mess. Taking a washcloth and wetting it, I wipe away the sleep from my eyes and do a quick wash of my face. I brush my teeth quickly as well.

Stepping out into the hallway, I am greeted by the strong odor of sausage and pancakes. Pancakes are my weakness...was Damon cooking? For me? Eventually carrying myself to the kitchen, I find that he _is_ cooking. At my approach, he smiles. "Why hello Sleeping Beauty."

I laugh. "Hey. Are you cooking breakfast?"

"Does it look like I am? Yes."

"...For me?"

He scoffs, flipping a pancake and looking over his shoulder at me. "Don't flatter yourself, Elena. I felt like a nice breakfast today for myself."

Ugh. Way to go, Elena. "Oh, sorry."

"But," he adds, "You live here too so I suppose I could share the food." He spins around and slides a plate over the counter. I smiled.

"Well thank you. I'm glad you can grace me with your cooking." I reach down and take a bite of the sausage. "You know..."

"Yes?" He asks, already eating off of his own plate.

"I didn't know you could cook." I admitted. He snorted.

"Please. My irrestible good looks aren't the only redeeming qualities I have." he winks. I roll my eyes. Typical Damon. "So what's on the agenda today?"

I shrug, thinking about how today is literally empty. I have nothing to do. "Hmm, I don't know. I'm thinking of getting Bonnie over. Maybe there's a spell or something she could use to try and locate Stefan."

Damon nodded, shoving a pancake into his mouth rudely and speaking with a full mouth, "Good. You do that."

"What about you?" I asked him curiously. "What's on your agenda?"

"I'm gonna go find the bitch and demand her to tell me everything she knows about Klaus." he said, eyes focused on his plate.

I frowned. "If you're going to speak to Katherine, I'm coming with you."

He looked at me from beneath his lashes and said "Elena." in a you're-totally-not-coming tone.

"Damon! I'm serious. I want to know what she knows, too."

"So I'll come back here and tell you." He argues, irritated.

"I'm coming."

"No, you're not."

"I want to go."

"I don't care." he states. I look at him furiously, wondering why he won't let me go. Was he trying to keep information from me? No, he wouldn't do that.

Would he?

"Why don't you want me to go?"

"You'll just be a distraction and if Katherine won't spill anything I don't want you there getting all moody and 'But it's Stefan!' on everyone. " Damon says.

I frown disapprovingly. "Too bad. I don't want you to go alone. It won't be good for me to worry about you."  
>He blinks innocently at me. God, I hate when he looks at me with those eyes... "You'd worry?"<p>

"Of course. She might...kill you or something. I want to be with you and know where you are. I can't lose both of you."

He rolls his eyes and snorts. "Kill me. _Right_. If she wanted me dead she would have never brought the cure."

"She said she owed you one." I pointed out. To be honest, I had a feeling that Damon knew something that I didn't. How was he so sure that Katherine would just open up and spill everything she knew about Klaus? To give Stefan back to me? No. She never cared about Stefan or Damon. So why would Damon even go to her for information?

Damon was silent for a long time. He had finished his breakfast and only after he disposed of his plate did he speak again. "Fine, Elena. You can come."

I smiled, finished off my breakfast, and pondered how easy it was for Damon to give in to me. Oh god..did I...I didn't just say that, did I? Since I first suspected that Damon loved me, I had been trying my hardest not to use that to my selfish advantages. But with Stefan gone Damon was my greatest hope of finding him. So right now I really didn't care what it took for Damon to include me in his mission of getting his brother back. "So what's first? Bonnie or Katherine?"

"Katherine. Better to get this over with." Damon sighed, walking out of the kitchen. He came back with his dark, leather jacket that I always admired. "Get dressed. Don't take too long; no need to fancy up for a slut." He sang, disappearing back out of the kitchen. As he ordered, I didn't take too long to get dressed. I stuck with simple black jeans and a purple top that flattered my curves nicely. There was only one thing I ever envied of Katherine and that was her amazing wardrobe. How could she get her breasts to look so big? How did she get her ass to look so plump? Her legs so thin? Her hips so curvy? Looking at myself now it was hard for me to find anything about us the same. I was so bland and she was so exciting.

Then again, she is a slut.

But she is slut with good clothes.

I ran a comb through my hair quickly and then descended downstairs. Damon was drinking a glass of blood which he finished off in a big gulp when he saw me. "Ready?"

"Yep." I nodded. I followed him out to the car. "How do we even know where she is?"

"Where do you think she is, Elena? At a bar, of course." Damon said, already starting the car up. I got in on the passenger side and buckled my seatbelt. My eyes found his face and I couldn't look away.

"Which bar?" I pressed.

"Does it matter?" he asked in a chilidish voice.  
>"Well, no.. but how do you know which bar?"<p>

Damon huffed once. "You ask so many questions, Elena. I have my resources, obviously."

"So we're just going to walk up to her 'Hey you – where's Stefan?'."

"I'd say so, yup." He smirked.

"Who says she'll tell us what she knows about Klaus?"

Damon turned to look away from the road and find my eyes. My orbs and his locked together as he said the words, "Because she's in love with Stefan." I looked away, hurt by this statement. She was in love with Stefan? No, she didn't want Stefan...she never wanted Stefan. "And she's seen what has happened to him. She doesn't like it."

She didn't _like_ it? Who gave her any right to not like something about Stefan? I couldn't believe the words I was hearing. She didn't want Stefan. She didn't want Damon. No, that's why she had done so many things to hurt them. That's why Stefan always said their love wasn't real.

I was silent for the rest of the car ride and so was Damon. Except for a few uneasy glances in my direction, he didn't speak about anything else. We eventually parked the car just outside of town at a bar named "Tipsy Turtles". It was beautiful inside and much different than the Grill. At the bar, surrounded by two older men, sat Katherine. Damon and I watched her as she took her hand and brushed it down the cheek of one of the men. He shuddered at her touch but it was clear that he desperately wanted her.

I followed Damon toward her, standing behind him while he called out "Oh, Miss Katherine?" in a tone that was clearly mocking and high.

She spun around with a smile on her face. "Well, well, well. Look who's been drinking his blood." Her eyes trailed up and down his body. "Good to know you're back to normal, Damon. Let's not forget who you have to thank for that."

He rolled his eyes. "I have Stefan to thank. He's the one who's out sacrificing himself."

"Ah yes. Pity." For once she seemed to have taken notice of me standing behind Damon. "Hello Elena."

I stepped out to face her. "Katherine."

Damon sighed impatiently. "Look, Katherine, this isn't a friendly visit."

"As I suspected it wouldn't be." She retorted.

"What do you know about Klaus?"

She laughed and her eyes flickered to the men beside her, both still panting over her like wild dogs. "Oh, I know my fair share."

"...care to share?" Damon growled.

"Hmm..why should I?" She questioned, flirting with the men.

"Because you know that Stefan is out of control. You've seen it first hand, didn't you? I need to know anything about Klaus that I can. Besides the obvious – that he's a hybrid douchebag. "

Her eyes rested on Damon. "What are you trying to do?"

"I'm trying to find Stefan." he said.

"Give it up, Damon. Stefan's out of control. The worst I've seen him ever. He drank and drank and drank and drank until Klaus was satisfied that he wouldn't be able to stop the hunger." She said, kissing one of the men on the cheek. "Even if you find him, he won't come back."

"Tell me what you know about Klaus." he demanded.

"I don't see why I should. Stefan is long gone."

This time, I spoke up. "You want Stefan back. So do we. Just help us. Stefan can come back. He just needs to be talked to, to be shown that he isn't the monster Klaus is making him into."

Katherine rested her deadly, black eyes on me. "Klaus isn't creating a monster. Stefan is the monster. Blood just triggers it inside of him. It's who Stefan is."

I shook my head. "No, it isn't."

Katherine ignored me to kiss one of the men on the lips. "Mmm...Klaus's origins lay in England. Perhaps he's looking for his family of the Originals. " she suggested. "That's all I really know about him."

Damon snapped at her, "You're lying. You know more."

She blinked her innocent eyes at him. "No, I'm not. I don't know where he is, Damon. I only can suspect that he's off trying to find followers. Probably the Originals."

I looked at Damon. "She isn't lying."

Damon sighed once and said, "If you're just going to sit around at bars and seduce men, leave town, Katherine." He spun around to descend the building. I was quick to follow him until I heard Katherine say behind me, "Don't worry, Elena. If you don't find Stefan, you still have the other Salvatore brother."

I felt sick. I continued to feel sick 20 minutes into the car ride. Damon looked over at me and whispered, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Just feeling a bit sick." I admitted. He frowned.

"We can stop to get medicine or something, if you need?"

"It's okay. I just wanna get home."

We drove in silence before I asked, "Do you think Katherine's right? That Klaus is looking for his family?"

"Maybe." Damon admitted. "We will just have to use that for now. Otherwise we have nothing."

I nodded, eyes focusing on the road.

"So last night you were pretty wild," he remarked, eyes focusing on my face and his lips turned into a smirk. I sighed.

"Yeah. Sorry.. I was just upset. That dream was scary."

"What was it about again?"

"Stefan. He told me that he couldn't come back to me because I didn't want him anymore .. or something. It was really weird." I explained. I was quiet for a moment before adding, "I wanted you, though. I remember that. When Stefan disappeared I kept yelling for you."

"Yes, I know. I was sound asleep until I heard 'Damon!' all dramatically screamed from my little brother's bedroom." He laughed.

"But you came to check on me."

"Yep, I did. You were fine."

I didn't say anything, because I wasn't fine. I was an emotional mess. Wanting Damon with me but crying over Stefan. How pitiful. "I'm sorry I keep freaking out over Stefan. I know you hate to hear it. It's been a week. Still a bit hard, but, I'm getting better. I think."

"You are getting better." he agreed. "It's time to stop moping around and start getting together and getting Stefan."

"Right." I nodded. "So I'll invite Bonnie over and hopefully she'll be able to try a location spell."

"We'll tell her to focus around England and start there."

"Okay."

When we got home, I had immediately tried to reach Bonnie. After three rings she picked up her phone and sounded rather distracted. "Hello?"

"Hey, Bonnie."

"Hi, Elena." an awkward pause. "What's up?"  
>"I was wondering if you would come over to Damon's." Technically my house, as they had given it to me, but I still considered this house belonging to Stefan and Damon. This was not my home.<p>

I was starting to regret calling Bonnie because in the background I could hear playful laughter. She smiled into the phone, "Why?"

"I wanted you to try a location spell on finding Stefan."

More playful laughter and silence from Bonnie.

"I think I may have called at a bad time...er, should I call you back later?" I asked.

She answered rather quickly. "No, no, Elena. I'd love to try a spell but I'm here with Jeremy. I'll come over soon, okay?"

I was totally fine with Jeremy and Bonnie dating. Both of them desperately deserved to be happy and well, why not be happy with eachother? Admittingly it was strange that my little brother and my best friend were together but there wasn't anything I could do about it. Would asking Bonnie to ditch Jeremy and help me out be wrong? Yes, I decided, it would be. We all owed something to Stefan, and I knew Bonnie wanted to help find him, but I wasn't going to be an ugly nuisance. I wasn't going to be the one who made everyone drown in her misery.

"No, Bonnie. It's fine. It can wait, honestly." I faked my happiness. "Just call me when you're free. Tell Jeremy I said hi,"

She could tell I was being as selfless as I could be. "Elena..."

"Bonnie. Really." I laughed.

She laughed, too. "Alright. Are you alright there with Damon?"

"I'm fine. He's here, watching out."

"Good." she decided. "I'll talk to you later."

"Bye Bonnie."

"Bye."

Hanging up the phone, I groaned and flopped down onto Damon and Stefan's elegant couch. Now what? Sit here in the house all day?

"What, the witch too busy to help us find Stefan?" I heard from behind me. Peering up and over my head, I was faced with Damon looking down on me.

I sighed. "She's with Jeremy."

"Ew, gross." He mocked. Shocked, I looked at him.

"It's not gross. They're happy." Damon shrugged then took my hands and pulled me off of the couch. I whined. "What are you doing?"

He smiled, swaying us back and forth. "You can't be Miss Doom-and-Gloom all day long, Elena. Have some fun. Let's dance."

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Damon, c'mon."

And in one swift, quick motion he pulled me against his chest. His lips were at my ear and he proceeded to sway us quickly and clumsly. "No. _You _c'mon." I don't know how he did it, but just then a very catchy tune emerged from their sound system. It played throughout the house. I couldn't recognize the song but I was rather fond of it. Giggling, I let him twirl and move me with whatever moves he had. I had danced with Damon before. He was always an interesting dancer and knew how to keep me moving even when I didn't know exactly how to move. He began singing to me:

_Oh won't come on over,_

_stop making a fool outta me,_

_why don't you come on over Valerie?_

His facial expressions were priceless. Laughing, the music got louder and louder. In his embrace, I yelled, "Who sings this?"

He smiled, rocking us back and forth in a rythem that matched the music. "Oh come on, you don't know Amy Winehouse when you hear her?"

Amy Winehouse? Damon listened to her? I certainly didn't so it was natural that I could't recgonize her voice. This song was really catchy. I smiled back at him. He let go of me and started spinning around, singing into a pretend microphone. I laughed out loud, quite enjoying myself. This was perfect – just letting loose and relaxing. So comfortable I was in Damon's arms and watching him make a fool out of himself. He suddenly stopped moving and looked at me. "I have the _perfect_ song for you, sweetheart." He winked, picking up the stereo remote and hitting a switch. I immediately recognized the song once the music started playing.

I went over to him and grabbed his hands, shocked. "You listen to Taylor Swift?"

He laughed. "Of course I do..." and in perfect harmony we shouted:

_The story starts when it was hot and it was summer and...  
>I had it all, I had him right where I wanted him<br>She came along, got him alone and let's hear the applause  
>She took him faster than you could say "sabotage" <em>

Damon and I began pounding our feet and circling eachother. He let go of me to jump onto the table and shake his hips. I rolled my eyes at house ridiculous he was. Standing in front of him, I sang loudly and proudly:

_She looks at life like it's a party and she's on the list  
>She looks at me like I'm a trend and she's so over it<em>

I did a cocky movement with my hand to signify that I was over it. Over her. Katherine.

_I think her ever-present frown is a little troubling  
>And she thinks I'm psycho 'cause I like to rhyme her name with things <em>

Damon and I sang in harmony again:

_She's not a saint  
>And she's not what you think<br>She's an actress, whoa  
>But she's better known<br>For the things that she does  
>On the mattress, whoa <em>

Within that moment, singing and laughing with Damon, I felt complete. Stefan was not on my mind and I didn't care that Bonnie wasn't going to help me. I didn't care that Katherine wanted Stefan. I didn't care about anything; except, of course, the fact that Damon and I were shouting and having a grand time. How could he do that? How could he make my troubles go away so simply and so swiftly? As the song came to an end, I stopped singing along just to stare at Damon – to take the time to really look at him. He was able to make me happy because he loved me. That was it, wasn't it? He _knew_ me and his presence alone just simply made me happy.

_I just have to say something._

I blinked, the Taylor Swift song already ended and Damon was not off of the table. "What do you have to say?" I asked stupidly.

He looked back at me in confusion. "What?"

_I just have to say it once, you just need to hear it._

"Damon, what are you going to say?" I demanded, blinking my eyes rapidly. What was going on?

"Elena, I'm..not saying anything. What's wrong with you?"

_I can't be selfish with you._

"Selfish?" I murmured. My eyes found Damon's. However, inside of Damon's eyes I caught the glimpse of understanding and recognition. "You can't be selfish with me? What?"

Damon blinked, eyes flickering to the floor and then back to my face.

_I don't deserve you. But my brother does._

"Damon...why did you say you didn't deserve me?" I was hopelessly lost and confused. It was as though Damon was speaking to me right now, but all I could see was him standing in front of me without moving lips.

He struggled for words. "I can explain.."

**Ah, Chapter 2 complete ! Will Damon explain? AHHHH. Please review and thank you for reading! Reviews make me more eager to please you guys. (:**

_**-Otter**_


	4. Remember This Moment

Song Suggestion:  _Artist Vs Poet – Miserably Loving You_ & _Broken – Lifehouse_

**Remember this moment**

He could explain? He _would _explain. I felt as though my head was spinning. I couldn't focus on his face without getting a severe pain in my forehead. "Damon," I whined, blinking rapidly. "What's going on?" I pressed two fingers to my temples and rubbed.

"It's alright, Elena." he soothed.

"Damon, explain!" I demaded.

"You're compulsion is wearing off. Just close your eyes and allow your brain to remember. It will stop the pain." I did as I was told, shutting my eyes and letting my brain give in to the struggle of forgetting. My mind whirled, taking me to another place. I recgonized it at once. It was my bedroom.

_Emerging from the bathroom, I prepared myself for bed. I was dead tired. Today had been a long day and I was emotionally exhausted. Brushing my hair out of my face, I looked up to find someone was waiting for me. _

"_Cute PJ's," he smirked. I blinked my eyes at him._

"_I'm tired, Damon." _

_He didn't say anything, only stood and began to drift closer to me. I recognized the object that he held immediately. "Brought you this." he said and held up my vervain necklace. How did he get that? It was so important to me – a gift from Stefan that kept me safe from the power of vampires._

"_I thought that was gone." I stated, shocked. My eyes flickered to his face and then back to the necklace. He shook his head. "Thank you," I murmured, extending my hand to take it from his grasp. He pulled it away. Confused, I stared at him. What was he doing?_

_My eyes found his and I kept them locked there. "Please give it back." I demanded, now scared. Oh god...what was he trying to do? Why won't he give me it? _

"_I just have to say something," he admitted._

_Now I'm really terrified. "Why do you have to say it with my necklace?" My eyes never left his. He looked rather... nervous. Did Damon ever yet nervous? He was now. Oh no..this was bad. This was going to be very bad. _

_My question had caught him off guard. "Well..because what I'm about to say is probably the most selfish thing I've ever said in my life."_

_Selfish? No.. Damon...don't. Don't do it. My heart ached. No, he couldn't admit what I thought he was going to admit. "Damon don't go there." I warned. Please. Don't go to that dreadful place of admitting something that may forever change the way I look at you. Change the way I feel about you. Don't. Damon... no...please..._

"_No, I just have to say it once. You just need to hear it." He insists. He steps closer to me and I find myself strangely drawn to him. His face is inches from mine. I can't rip my eyes away from his. I am staring at his soul...and he stares back at mine. He searches for something within me while admitting, "I love you, Elena."_

_I blink, taking a moment to process those words. He..loves...me? Damon Salvatore loves me? But he loves Katherine. For him it always was Katherine. Why me? Why now? Did I love him back?_

_Stupid Elena. Of course you don't. _

_He continues speaking and I feel sick. "And it's because I love you that...I can't be selfish with you." I look at him indifferently, seeing Damon as he truly is. Here he was in front of me pouring his heart out – something I had wished from Damon many times. I just wished that Stefan's older brother was more caring. More true. More real. That he would understand that he didn't hide what he was feeling. Now that I know he was feeling THIS, I wanted him to bottle it back up again. _

_But in a way I am glad. He's confessing to me. He wants me to know who he is and what he is capable of. I do, Damon. I know._

"_And why you can't know this." he says. "I don't deserve you." My heart literally reaches out to him. I can't comprehend what he is feeling at the moment. He knows..he's known all along that he is a bad person. He tells me that he doesn't deserve me. That I shouldn't love him back. How selfless, I realize, that he's being. I open my mouth to say something to him, anything, but I have nothing to say and Damon is already speaking again. "But my brother does."_

_I stare at him, dumbfounded. Damon..you are being so honest with me. This is the Damon I am friends with. This is the Damon I care about. This is my Damon. He leans forward and for a moment I think he's going to press his lips to mine. But instead his lips find my forehead and I close my eyes. _

_I find myself savoring this moment._

_His face is so close to mine that I could feel his breath. Tangy and sweet. Why can't I speak? Why can't I say something? He pulls away and I stare at his lips, trying hard to avoid his eyes now. I can't face him. _

_He strokes my face with a gentle hand. "God I wish you didn't have to forget this." I could feel my face twitch as I meet his eyes again. Forget? What does he mean by forget? "But you do."_

_A single tear drops from the eyes that I am now mesmorized in. Damon's eyes. _

I gasp, coming back to reality. He is looking at me innocently. He made me forget. He made me forget the kind of person I always wanted him to reveal to me. He made me forget how he felt. He made me feel empty. For all those days I felt empty when looking at him,

Like a piece of me was missing. A piece that belonged to him.

He made me forget.

"Elena?" he asks, watching me intently. "Say something."

I don't say anything. Instead I reach forward and slap him across the face. Hard. Tears form in my eyes and fall down my face. "Screw you, Damon." I cry, spinning around and making my way toward the front door. I did not see what his reaction was to my slap. I could imagine it was hurt. Pain. Loss.

I don't care. He made me forget. I don't care anymore.

I'm so done.

Pushing my way out the front door and into my car, I start the engine. It's hard for me to see through these tears. Even harder, I imagine, it will be to drive. Reaching for my cell phone I dial Bonnie's number and this time, thankfully, she answers almost immediately.

"Hey, Elena. I was just going to call you. Still want me to-"

I interrupt her with a desperate sob. "Bonnie. Are you home?"

"Yes. Elena, what's wrong?"

"Damon."

She is quiet and then panic sets into her voice. "What did he do? What's wrong? Is he okay? Are you okay?"

"I'll tell you when I get there." Tears are still falling from my eyes. God, Damon. Why did you have to make everything so perfect and then destroy it? Why do you make me feel like this?

"OK, Elena. Hurry."

I mutter a quick 'OK' back to her and then hang up the phone. I pound the steering wheel with my fists. How dare he take away my memory. Take away the one thing I've always wanted from him: his confession. The confession that he feels. That he cares. That he loves. Here I thought I was seeing it all for the first time a week ago on his deathbed. No, he had told me it all before and simply wiped my memory clear of it.

How dare he.

When I got to Bonnie's house, she opened her arms for me and I fell into them. She was always there for me. "Oh, Bonnie." I cried. She soothed me.

"Elena. It's OK. Shh," her hands rubbed my back. I looked at her with a broken expression. "What happened?"

"He made me forget." She didn't quite understand, so she sat me down and gave me a tissue to wipe the wetness from my eyes with where I could explain further.  
>"Damon told me he loved me and then he took it all away, Bonnie." I sniffed. "When I was with Rose and Elijah. That night Stefan and Damon came to get me. He was in my bedroom and told me everything he felt."<p>

Bonnie stared at me with dark eyes of disbelief. "Damon..as in _Damon Salvatore_? What did he say to you?"

I nodded. "He told me that I needed to hear it: that he loved me. He told me he couldn't be selfish and that...that...he didn't deserve me. That Stefan deserved me. Bonnie, he took it away!"

"God, Elena. I'm so sorry..."

"That's all I wanted, Bonnie. For Damon to prove to me that he wasn't a shell. That he cared. He cared about me. About Stefan. About everything. And when he finally did, he took it away from me." I wiped my eyes.

She looked at me for a long moment and then decided, "Elena...I think you need to make a decision for yourself."

Confused, I looked to her. "What do you mean?"  
>"Do you want Damon or do you want Stefan? Because you're in love with both of them."<p>

"Wh-what? Bonnie..why would you say that? I love Stefan."

"Are you sure? Because it's obvious about the way Damon feels about you. And..it's obvious that you're fighting the way you feel about him, too." She held her hands up. "Don't get mad. I'm just stating what I'm seeing. What everyone sees."

"Why are you saying this to me?" Katherine's words played through my head. _It's OK to love them both. I did._

"Because I'm your friend. I want you to be happy.. and although Damon isn't a very nice person – if he makes you happy, then..." she trailed off, eyes captivating mine. Was that true? Did Damon make me happy?

Here came realization. Damon did love me and he certainly made me happy but Stefan was always on my mind. I loved Stefan and I would do anything for Stefan. Yet hearing those heart-warming, honest words come from Damon's mouth: _I don't deserve you..but my brother does _and me, protesting, that he deserved me because he was selfless... it was hard to deny that I felt something for Damon. I remember, once, when Damon came to my room drunk and told me that I was lying to myself. That he could prove that I loved him.

He had kissed me and I pushed him away, admitting, _I care about you, I do, but I love Stefan._

So what is it, Elena? Do you love Damon? Do you love Stefan?

Do you love them both?

Which do you love more?

"Bonnie...I can't. Damon is just a very good friend to me. I care about him. I'd be upset if I lost him and I value his friendship but..." I shook my head. "I don't love him."

Bonnie nodded slowly. "OK, Elena. I know it's hard for you with Stefan being gone. I don't want to make you question yourself."

I took a deep, shaky breath. Why is it I'm always a mess? Wiping my eyes once more, I decided to tell Bonnie about the night Klaus took Stefan. "The main reason why this hurt me so much is that...Damon admitted he loved me the night Stefan and Klaus took off. The night Katherine brought the cure."

"He did?"

I nodded. "And I kissed him."

"You did?"

I nodded.

"...well, what else happened?" She pressed. I looked at her.

"Nothing. He just told me he loved me and that he was sorry for everything he's done to hurt me." I turned to my gaze toward the floor. "I forgave him, too."

"Elena.."

"What?"

"You two are so..emotional. I can't take it."

I sighed impatiently. "We both thought that he was dying. He was drifting away, Bonnie. I wanted to give him a goodbye. Something that would make him happy. I forgave him and gave him a last kiss."

She gave me a skeptive look as if the things I were telling her made no sense. When , actually, they did. At least they did to me. Damon knew it was a last goodbye kiss, didn't he? Yes, he did. I was certain. He had thanked me for it, afterall. "Listen, can I stay here tonight? I don't want to go back to Damon."

"Of course," Bonnie insisted.

And so I stayed at Bonnie's for the night. We talked a bit more about her and Jeremy, Stefan, Caroline, but never Damon and I was thankful for that. Later that night, laying in bed, my mind was spinning with thoughts of him. I couldn't get him out of my head.

I couldn't get that night he had compelled me to forget. The way the words flowed so naturally from his mouth; I love you, Elena...

What if I said "I love you, Damon."? Would they flow as naturally like his?

And what about his arms? When I was in them, I felt secure and safe. Much safer than I ever did being embraced by Stefan. With Stefan, my heart swelled with love. With Damon, my whole body swelled with so many different emotions. It had become hard to deny. I cared about Damon. I love him – but was I in love with him? _I'm here for you, Stefan or no Stefan..._

I'm being incredibly selfish, I realized. I didn't just need Damon; Damon needed me, too. It wasn't just my boyfriend I was losing because Damon was losing his little brother. I was letting little, annoying things like my emotions get in the way of making Damon happy and getting Stefan home.

I knew what I had to do. Careful not to wake Bonnie, I slipped out of the house. Upon meeting the Salvatores I had become exceptionally well at sneaking out of houses. Turning on my car, the dashboard blinked the numbers "2:13 AM". It was that late..er, early? Damon was asleep by now.

But I needed to see him. So he would just have to wake up.

When I got there, I took a deep breath and instantly regretted coming. He was probably pissed off because I hit him. What if he told me to get out? What if he completely shut me out? Please, Damon, don't push me away...

Walking through the long halls, I felt utterly empty. I glanced into Stefan's room when I passed it, finding it dark and empty. I shuddered once; as if his presence still clung to it.

Damon's door was closed and it creaked when I opened it. A stream of light shown through the darkness and onto his bed – where Damon's body lay sleeping. I bit my lip. Don't be a coward. You came here and you're going to fulfill the purpose of coming back to him.

Wetness filled my eyes as I slowly walked over to the bed and slid in beside him. He was laying on his back, head toward me. I placed my hand on his arm and felt the eletric currents buzz out of control between us. I couldn't see his eyes and therefore could not determine whether he had woken or not. I didn't care.

"Damon..." I whispered. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't of hit you."

He didn't answer me. I waited, just laying next to him, waiting for him to wake up and tell me he accepted my apology. He didn't. I continued, "I was upset. The only thing I've ever wanted from you was for you to prove to me that you cared. You loved me. You loved Stefan... you were selfless when you said you didn't deserve me. How could you take that away?" Tears rolled off of my cheeks. I could taste the salt as they rolled over my lips. I gripped his arm tighter.

And then his husky and thick with sleep voice broke through the darkness and whispered back at me, "I thought it was better that you didn't know how I felt."

I exhaled, quite shocked that he was awake. And rather frightened. "It wasn't better. So many times I've looked at you and felt like there was something missing between us."

I felt him breathe next to me. His body moved now - he was on his side facing toward me. I could see his face. His eyes. They were open, looking at me rather confused. "Can you forgive me?"

"Yes." I said honestly. "And..Damon?"

"Yes?"

"..you do deserve me." I pressed myself closer to him and rested my forehead on his chest. He put his arms lightly around me.

This was the second time that I climbed into this big, golden bed with Damon Salvatore.

"I'm so sorry, Elena. I didn't think.. I mean, why would you care that I told you that I loved you?"

Good question, I realized. There was only one answer to that and I didn't know if I would have the courage to admit it to him. Should I? Could I? Yes, I could. "Because I love you, too." He was silent for a few minutes.

"You do?"

"Yes. I'm just...I've always loved you. I just can't determine if I'm _in_ love with you. You are so important to me. I never want to lose you."

He hugged me tighter. "You won't lose me."

"Can you forgive me for slapping you?"

He chuckled. "It's not like I'm not used to it."

I blushed, even though he couldn't see it. "Right. I tend to hit you a lot."

"And I tend to make mistakes. But it works out in the end, I think."

His scent filled my nostrils. It was so heavenly. He was so heavenly. Every part of him. "I'm sorry I woke you up."

"It's alright. I woke up as soon as the front door opened. You're very noisy." Damon smirked. I rolled my eyes. He was totally messing with me. The wetness on my face was being absorbed by his shirt.

"Don't cry," he pleaded.

"I know. I can't help it. I'm just so confused. How do you make me feel like this?" I asked.

"I don't mean to make you confused or make you cry."

"I know you don't, Damon. I meant: how do you make me care about you so much?"

"..gifted, I suppose?" He smiled. I smiled, too.

"Must be."

"So are you sleeping here tonight or are you leaving again?"

I thought about that for a moment and said, "I should go.." and breathed against him; inhaling him. "But I'll stay."

**My JESUS FREAKING CHRIST. Excuse my language, but this chapter was so much fun to write. I literally cried while writing it because I got so emotional. DAMON & ELENA Please please please please please review. I took the advice of a certain reviewer and had Elena get super pissed at Damon for compelling her. But we all knew that she'd forgive him. **

**I know, I keep updating this story quickly..but I just can't help it! I'm so attached! Xoxo.**

_**-Otter**_


	5. All I heard was nothing

_Much thanks to dedicated reader and reviewer (and partial idea giver!) Mic7K. This chapter is dedicated to you. I don't own TVD, by the way – I just like playing with them!_

Song Suggestion: _The Script – Nothing (Drinking Version)_

_I know that I haven't updated recently. I'm sorry, but then again I'm not. The reason I haven't been writing is because I'm addicted to TVD Youtube videos! Unf. If everyone would do me a great favor and watch these amaizng videos by FatallyxFragile on youtube, thanks. Look at her stuff! She's AMAZING. You guys seriously don't even know! Here's three videos that really captured my heart. __**(PLUS SHE SHIPS DELENA!)**_

.com/watch?v=Fluk-Om4hJg&feature=player_profilepage

.com/watch?v=Q4PVp3oL7Lo 

.com/watch?v=Tdzh9DD1Lio&feature=related 

_These are just 3 that really tore my heart out. She has TONS of more videos. Just search key words like "Damon" or "The Vampire Diaries" on her profile. Lemme know how you liked the vids!_

**I wanted words but all I heard was nothing**

Elena was first to fall asleep. Her words rang in my head. _"Because I love you, too."_ I can't think of anything that was cause her to creep into my bed in the early morning and whisper this to me. Was she playing a game? Was she toying with me? Was this Katherine?

I pressed my nose to her hair and inhaled her scent.

No, this was Elena. My Elena. My _human _Elena.

She feels so fragile in my arms. So natural. God, I wish she were mine. But she isn't. She's with Stefan. He deserves her. She deserves him. _"..you do deserve me." _Apparently I deserve her, too. I can't believe that. I can't believe that because she is so innocent and so kind and caring and she cares. I kill people. I've done so much to hurt her. I even killed her brother. Damn it, Damon – why? Why do you choose to hide yourself from her?

Elena stirs in my arms. I don't know how long I can stay like this. I want to stay forever, but her body touching mine sends a shiver down my spine. I feel my own body reacting to her touch. It always reacts this way, but this is different. She's in my arms. She's touching me. She's in my bed. She's on my chest. She told me she loved me. She told me I deserved her.

The instinct to take her now is hard to fight. But I do, because she is Stefan's and I wouldn't invade her like that. I wouldn't hurt her like that. It's funny, in a way – I tell myself I'd never hurt her. But I've hurt her too many times to count. Why does she forgive me?

Kissing the top of her head, I sigh, "I love you."

I half-expect a "I know," or a "I love you, too." to whisper back to me in the darkness. But there are no words from my Elena. She just breathes in rythem, her chest heaving up and down. Her body flinches once or twice and I wonder what she's dreaming about. Who she's dreaming about.

Stefan? Bonnie?

...Me?

I hate the fact that she remembers my confession that night in her room. Yet in a way I am also glad. She deserves the right to know, doesn't she? I just couldn't stand the idea of her hating me for it. I was...afraid. Or nervous to how she would react. I never expected her to crawl into my bed and ask me to forgive her when it was me who should have been begging for forgiveness. I take a deep breath. But it's Stefan she's in love with it. It is my baby brother that will get to hold her forever, kiss her, listen to her problems, make love to her..

and it is me who will watch forever, dying to be in his place. Dying for her to want me. Dying for her to kiss me with everything she has. Dying for her to touch my body with desire.

She makes a light sound and clutches to me harder.

I suppose this will suffice. At least I have this opportunity. At least I have this. At least I have her as a friend. I can't lose her. I can't ever leave her. "_So many times I've looked at you and felt like there was something missing between us."_

This, I'll admit, stunned me. She looked at me and...actually felt something? Of course I always suspected that she was denying what she felt for me – that there was _something_ there. But she felt that something was missing between us. Did it draw her to me? Did it push her away from me?

This feeling she spoke about was one that I was very familiar with. I have always looked at Elena and felt like we were spiritually connected. She is the only one who could make me feel like this. I've never felt this way with Katherine. My love for Katherine was insane, demented, unreal, and a lie. My love for Elena is passionate, caring, real, and soft.

Sometime counting sheep, I fall asleep.

My arms are around Elena when I wake up. She is facing away from me and I am instantly aware of her back pressed against my stomach. I shift myself, the warmth and touch of her making me squirm. I don't want to leave her. I want to stay, like this, forever. Her pocket buzzes and I reach for her cell phone before it could wake her up.

Three new messages from Bonnie.

I won't invade her privacy. What her and the witch talk about really isn't any of my business. I throw the device behind me and it bounces on the mattress. Taking Elena into my arms again, I snuggle her. This is a jackass thing to do, isn't it? To hold my baby brother's girlfriend while he's out doing god knows what. Jesus, Stefan, why are you such a handful? One day, hopefully soon, I'm going to murder Klaus. Problem is that I don't know how.

But I guess this isn't a jackass move because I know that Elena needs somebody. She has nobody to turn to. In the back of my mind, I hear his words. _Promise me, that no matter what happens, you'll protect her._

He whispered this to me that night Stefan was stuck in the tomb with Katherine and I had nodded a "Promise." in response to him. I would always protect Elena. I would always choose Elena. No matter what happens. To me. To Stefan. To her.

My eyes travel her body and rest on that beautiful, angelic face. Why is she so innocent? Why is she so fragile? A monster, I am, holding an angel in my arms. Beauty in the arms of Beast. That's what we are. Because I've killed people, I drink blood, and I continue to hurt her. And she is beautiful, caring, and selfless. She stirs now and I pull my arms back, afraid of what she'll do or say. No doubt she'll wake with regret.

Turning over, she blinks at me and yawns, "Damon?" More awake now, she jolts upright into a sitting position. "Damon!"

I rest my cheek on my hand and smirk at her. "Good morning to you too, sunshine."

She looks around, taking in the scene. "So last night wasn't a dream..." she murmurs under her breath. Her eyes rest on my face and I can't help but feel my face twitch.

"A nightmare, you mean?" I suggest.

"You are not a nightmare, Damon." she scoffs, blinking her brown orbs. "This is good. I'm glad that I was able to...get it off my chest..you know?"

I know what _it_ is but I won't mention it. Speaking of chests, hers is marvelous. I have a delicious view down her shirt but I try to keep my eyes away. You can't blame me: I'm a man.

I nod. "Of course. By the way, your phone has been buzzing. Tell the witch I said hello." I grab the phone in one quick motion and throw it on her lap. In the second she realizes what I've done, I'm already off the bed and walking out of the doorway.

"Where are you going?" she calls. I smile at the panic in her voice.

"I'm thirsty." I call back over my shoulder. She doesn't say anything, but sits on my bed and murmurs quiet words to Bonnie. I can hear her, still on my bed, even after I've poured myself two glasses and drank its contents. Eventually she comes downstairs and finds me sitting on the couch. I press my third glass to my lips and do not meet her eyes.

She sighs. "Bonnie is angry with me."

I still don't look at her. "Because you left?"

"Yeah. She was worried, I guess. But I set her straight."

I shrug. "She'll get over it."

Elena walks over to the couch and plops herself down next to me. I look at her, raising my eyebrows mischievously. I keep her gaze until she looks away. "I know she will. She knows how I feel. She can't blame me for coming back to you."

Bonnie knew about Elena and I? Damn it, Damon. You and Elena aren't anything. You aren't even something. Just two people fighting back the emotions they have for eachother.

Just two people trying to use Stefan as an excuse not to let fate take place where it's supposed to.

"Like I said," I repeat, drinking the rest of my glass and setting it down on the coffee table, "She'll get over it."

Elena sighs. "I'm bored,"

I snicker. "I didn't realize I was such a bore to you. Could of fooled me, though, considering how much fun we were having yesterday." It's funny how, somehow, I'd forgotten the way Elena laughed while I shook my hips to Taylor Swift and Amy Winehouse. I'd forgotton how much she smiled. I'd forgotton how hurt she looked when she remembered what I made her forget.

A weak smile curves at Elena's lips. "Right. You're a bad dancer."

My jaw drops. "Are you kidding?"

"Yes, Damon, I am. I've danced with you before. You can be a..very good dancer, I suppose, when the moment requests it. But most of the time you don't realize what you look like."

I roll my eyes. "You can't dance either."

She looks hurt. "Yes, I can. I was a cheerleader,"

"Cheerleaders aren't dancers. They jump around and have stiff movements. A stripper, now, is a dancer." I smirk. "I don't suppose you'll strip for me, though. None taken."

Elena seems disgusted. Good. "I've never even attempted stripping."

I fake my shock. "Really? Really? _The_ Elena Gilbert: never stripped? How shocking!" She picks up the pillow and hits me with it. I laugh. She laughs, too, a musical sound.

"Shut up!" she demands.

"Lemme take a wild guess here..." I put a finger to my chin. "I'd say out of you, vampire Barbie, and the Witch: Barbie is the stripper."

Elena frowns. "Damon."

"Yes?"  
>"Caroline isn't a slut. Or a stripper."<p>

I shrug. "Strippers are hot. Classy ones, though."

I'm suddenly aware of the jealousy that is radiating off of Elena. She's..jealous? Of Caroline? Really? Or was it because I stated strippers were hot? Hmm. Interesting.

"So Barbie's the stripper; Bonnie is the virgin."

Elena laughs. "Bonnie is not a virgin."

I look over at her and waggle my eyebrows. "So that would you be you?"

She blushes. "Not me, either."

"Unfortunately I've heard that one, myself." I shudder. In truth, listening to Stefan and Elena was probably the most repulsive noise I've ever heard. It was just so... ugh. I always left the house, unwilling to listen to my baby brother get it on with his girlfriend.

Worse, his girlfriend that I am in love with.

She blushes deeper. "Um," and coughs. She feels awkward and she should. I shouldn't have to listen to her and Stefan's moans.

"Who was the first, then?" I ask.

She blinks, confused. "First what?"

"To lose their precious little girl innocence," I explain. My eyes are staring into hers now. I know she won't lie to me, but I can tell she feels ashamed to admit her answer.

"Well... the first person was me."

Now it's my turn to feel awkward. My Elena? I could only imagine her giggling to her friends about the experience. It makes me want to hurt someone.

She continues. "Then, naturally, Caroline was a bit jealous. So then it was her. Bonnie was less eager and really didn't care but eventually she lost it, too." She shrugs.

"Hmm," I murmur, drinking my glass. I take small sips while I digest what Elena has just thrown at me.

"Who was first?" she asks. My eyes flicker to her.

"What?"

"You o-or Stefan?" I almost laugh when she asks me this. Laugh because the I'm sure the answer she predicts isn't the answer I'm going to give her. Call me classy, and old school, but I had lost my virginity to Katherine. I kept myself pure until the woman I had loved with everything I had came along. At the time, I believed it to be Katherine. And so it was - she took my innocence.

Stefan, on the other hand, was not a virgin when we stumbled across the bitch.

I wink at Elena. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

She shifts uncomfortably. "I'm serious. I do."

"Who do you _think_ lost it first?"

She doesn't answer right away but instead searches my face for an aswer. She gives up, admitting, "You, I think."

Interesting. "And why do you think it was me?"

"Damon-" she begins to complain before I cut her off.

"I'm serious, Elena. I wanna know." I flash her a charming smile. She huffs.

"It just seems like...well, I don't know. That you've...um..had more girls than..Stefan." She admits sheepishly while her eyes rest on the ground. She clutches her knees to her chest. She thought I was more experienced than Stefan? I was, of course, _way_ more experienced than my baby brother and now hearing Elena admit it was like..like...pure bliss. Call me arrogant.

I laugh out loud. "Well you're right about having more women. But it was little Steffy who lost it first. Not me."

She meets my eyes, probably debating whether I'm telling the truth or not. I am. "With who?"

I groan. "Elena, I don't keep track of who my brother has had sex with. Even for the first time. That's repulsive."

She nods. "Right, right. Sorry."

I am enjoying this conversation way too much, I realize. So instead I focus on another point in our puzzle that is life. "You should call back Bonnie. Get her over here and try that spell."

Elena does as told, pulling out her cell phone and dialing the witch's number. I listen to their conversation closely. Bonnie answers on the first ring.

"Elena?"

"Hey, Bonnie." Elena greets, standing up and walking out of the room. A sign that she felt uncomfortable speaking on the phone with me right beside her. How weird, considering the fact that Elena knows I could still hear them both clearly. "You still mad at me?"

"Mmm...yes. And, well, no. I guess I can forgive you. I'm sorry, Elena, but you had me terrified. I didn't know if you were safe. I didn't know who you were with or where you were."

"I know. I'm sorry, I should of left a note. Or texted you."

"What's going on? What happened with Damon last night?" The curiosity in the witch's tone was almost unbearable.

"Uh.. I'll tell you later. I need to ask you a favor. Is there a spell that you could do to try and track Stefan? Katherine gave us some information."

"_Katherine_ did? Are you sure she gave you valid information, Elena? You shouldn't trust her. I don't." Good point, Bonnie.

Elena took a deep breath. "I know, Bonnie, but it's all we have. It's a start, at least. If we don't take Katherine's information then we have absolutely nothing. And I'm not going to sit here and..and..not even _try._ I owe it to Stefan. We all do."

Bonnie was quiet for a few moments. "Do you want me to come over now?"

"If you can."

"I'm on my way." Bonnie seemed unsure of herself. "Is Damon there?"

"Of course," Elena stated. I smirked.

"Alright. See you soon." the witch hung up with a swift 'click'. I acted natural when Elena wandered back over to the couch and plopped down beside me.

"Bonnie's on her way."

"I know." I press the glass to my lips. She blinks and sighs.

"Should of known you were listening."

"Why?" I question. "Something to hide?"

"No," she argues back sheepishly. "But it's rude to eavesdrop."

I snort and then shrug my shoulders.

It took Bonnie a solid twenty minutes but, eventually, she got here. I folded my arms as she embraced Elena and looked at me with judgey eyes. I just roll my eyes. _Bitch._

"So where did Katherine suggest we look?" Bonnie asks when we are all sitting around a table of candles. She has open her little witch book of spells. I put my faith into her, though. I know she can find Stefan if she puts her mind to it. And she will.

Elena shifts uncomfortably. "She told us to try England. It's where Klaus originated, I guess."

"I can't search all of England for Stefan, Elena. It's not that easy."

"Well do _something_, Bonnie." I groan. She shoots me a death glare and I ignore it. She pulls out a pocket knife – why the hell is she carrying around a knife? - and walks over to me. The look on her face makes me itch. It's smug. She looks me in the eye and says,

"I need your blood." With a quick flick of movement, she has sliced my arm. I growl, a hand instinctively flying over my wound. It will heal in seconds but it still hurts like a bitch. "What the hell!" I snarl, my whole body tensing. Bonnie has her back to me and I prepare to lunge for her.

But Elena steps in my way, a hand on my chest. I hold back the urge to shiver.

"She needs your blood, Damon. Let it go. It's to find Stefan, remember? To find Stefan." She is cautious and it makes me sick. Did she really think I was going to hurt the witch? I blink, my orbs burning into hers.

With a snappy remark I reply, "Of course, Elena." My Elena sighs and turns to her friend, trusting me not to pull anything stupid. God, I wish I could just tear Bonnie up right now. But I can't. Not for everything she's done for my brother and I. Not for everything she's done for Elena.

And certainly because I couldn't put that pain on Elena. _Be the better man_ and all that jazz. Bonnie rubs her hands together, droplets of my blood on the inside of her palms. She whispers words that I can't understand. I assume a spell.

Her book opens up randomly and its pages quickly shuffle amongst themselves. I stay back, watching and waiting. Elena watches Bonnie's face eagerly; looking for a sign that she should stop her friend from hurting herself in the process of performing a spell. I, frankly, don't care. Bonnie's small chants turn into even smaller whines. Her face scrunches in pain and Elena whispers, "Bonnie?"

But Bonnie doesn't notice. She keeps running her palms together rougher and rougher until, finally, she begans panting and crying. Elena shakes her friend yelling, "Bonnie! Bonnie! Damon?" she looks to me now, frantic. I suppose it's time for me to step in. But before I do, Bonnie falls onto the table. Her arms fly out and catch herself before she could smash into it face-first. Blood smears everywhere. Onto her book. Onto my table.

"What happened?" I demand, circling around the two. Elena's hands are gripping Bonnie's shoulders. Bonnie struggles to breathe.

"Bonnie? Did you see him? Are they in England?" Elena presses. Bonnie shakes her head, eyes meeting mine.

"No...they're not in England. My god, Damon...it's horrible."  
>I blink, eyebrows pressed together in agreement. I know just how horrible Stefan is. I know that this is the worst he has ever been.<p>

"Bonnie? Where .are. they?" Elena asks.

Bonnie swallows heavily. "They're in Mystic Falls."

_Thanks for reading. Please review!_

_~0tter_


	6. All this time

_Thanks for the reviews everyone! This chapter was fun to write, but it's also very short. Keep reading!_

**Song Suggestion: **_One Republic – All This Time_

_Nicki Minaj – Turn me on_

**All this time we were waiting for eachother**

I sat there, eyes blank, an expression upon my face that was not common for me. It was hurt. It was suffering. It was jealousy. I couldn't get over the fact that both of them didn't want me anymore. Neither of them didn't want to kiss me, to touch me, to love me...

They wanted _her._ They wanted that emotionless, selfless little girl who knew absolutely nothing. They wanted the girl that looked exactly like me.

The man sitting across from me has been compelled to just sit and listen to my babbles. Compelled by me, of course. I'm sick of screwing around. I'm sick of teasing them. I just need someone to listen. "That's why they were interested in the first place, you know." I growl. The man, Jeff, just blinks at me. Stupid. Humans are so stupid.

"Excuse me?"

"Stefan and Damon. They wanted her all because she looks like me. I can take that to the grave. I can accept that. But they don't want _me_ anymore. They want her."

"Well why would they want her when they could have you?" he asks me. I focus my eyes on him, mouth twitching from irritation. Why did they want her? Because she had the looks. She had the appearance of me which, somehow, made her me. But we are different. And they like that different. They like how caring she is. How human. How passionate.

I can be passionate.

"They like her personality better," I mumble weakly. The bar is vacant now besides Jeff, the bartender, and I.

"I like your personality." He offers.

I hiss. "You don't know me."

Jeff frowns. "I want to know you."

My eyes go blank. "You don't want to know me, Jeff. I'm not a very nice person. But do you honestly think that I give a shit? I look out for myself." I sigh, adding, "But I need him, Jeff. What do you do when the only person you'll ever love _despises_ you?"

"You...prove to them that you can be good for them."

"But I am, Jeff! I'm perfect for him! Elena isn't perfect – far from it! She's falling in my footsteps. She's knowing what it feels like to care for them both. She just hasn't realized that the one that she loves more isn't the brother she thought it'd be."

"I don't understand."

"Like you shouldn't. Jeff, I am torn between the love for him and the love for myself."

"Love has no vanity. You need to love someone with more than everything." he says quietly. I look at him, wondering what kind of man like Jeff wanders in a bar to drown his sorrows. You'd think he had the smarts.

"Stefan loves me. He does. He thinks I compelled him. He thinks it wasn't real. But it was, Jeff. Oh – it was! I need to prove to him that I can be worth it. I can be worth loving again; touching again. Kissing again. I can ignite his skin with a single touch. He's told me so before. " I rant, desperate. "His brother doesn't want me."

"His brother?"

"I crave both of their affection. I can't help it. I wanted them both. I loved them both. It's always been Stefan. But I need Damon's love, too. He loves Elena now. They both want Elena."

Jeff shifts in his seat. "May I leave?"

My eyes catch his and I speak the words, "Leave this bar. Go home. Forget me. Forget this conversation." demanding that he do exactly what is told of him. His eyes unfocus and I know that my compulsion has worked on him. He stands and exits the bar.

I watch his back as he descends.

And then I follow him.

He's startled to see me, blinking and asking, "Who are you?" The chilly night air touches my face refreshingly. I've had too much to drink tonight. My eyes turn black. He starts racing toward his car but I catch up to him in a flash. I pin him against the side of his vehicle, fangs exposed and a hand drawn over his mouth to muffle his screams.

"I'm sorry Jeff, but even compelled, I can't bear the thought you hearing my words."

Eyes wide, he screams louder. Nobody will hear him. Nobody except the bartender inside – but even so, the music is so loud inside that he will have extreme trouble hearing this. Jeff's fate is a sad one. I lunge for his neck, my teeth breaking skin. I pull the warm liquid of his blood into my mouth and satisfy my thirst. Jeff falls to the ground; dead. I lick my lips as blood oozes down my chin.

…

I've disposed of the body, however the smell of blood catches my attention. Blood that is not Jeff's. A scream ripples through the night. My breathing stops – I can't even think. It is a human scream, obviously suggesting that said human is in danger. Danger of what? Another vampire? My instincts tell me to check it out.

My brain tells me to run as fast as I can. I almost run, before I remember that it could be Damon. Or Caroline. They don't hunt humans, do they? Surely they wouldn't let one scream like that? As much as I want to leave, I begin down the road to follow the source of the human cries. If this is a vampire about to expose themselves to the town; they can forget it. They will be so screwed after I'm done with them.

The scent of blood in the air is appealing despite the fact I've just had a drink. It's powerful; strong, as if this much blood shouldn't of been spilled. It's messy. Someone is ripping apart a human. Faster now, I run to my target. And then I see them.

I see them crouching over a victim that is literally torn apart. Mounds of flesh are scattered around. I want to gag. This is repulsive. For me. For anyone. My eyes are glued to the vampire eagerly sucking away human life. I shift my weight and make sure this vampire is alone.

He is.

So I casually walk up to him and ask, "Need a napkin?"

For a split second I am downwind and that bloody smell fills my nostrils. However, beneath the smell of the delicious liquid is the faint tang of pine and cologne. Cologne that I have come to recognize. Pine that I smell every time I am with one of the Salvatore brothers.

He gets up but before he turns around I realize in horror that this is my Stefan. I take a step back, eyes peeled to the fact that meets mine. It is awful. He has a richer, creamier skin color. His eyes are black as night and blood is smeared all over him; chest, face, hands, arms. Even in his hair. _Monster._

"Stefan?" I choke out.

He recognizes me. "Katherine."

"What..are...you doing?" I asked, my eyes now flickering to the high school girl he just mauled.

He blinks, shame and guilt written all over his face. I am glad, actually, that this monster is able to feel guilty. It's proof that there is a hint of himself hidden beneath the ripper. I am not afraid, only hurt. Hurt because Klaus did this to him. Hurt because Stefan doesn't want to be like this.

Klaus. I think the name with dread.

Stefan doesn't answer me.

"Why are you here, Stefan?"

"I've come back." he approaches me, closer. I give him a good lookover before returning his gaze. "Klaus isn't here, Katherine. I got away from him. I'm alone."

I have a hard time believing any of this but the truth is written in his eyes. "Klaus..no, Stefan. You need to leave. You can't be in Mystic Falls. He's coming back for you. He's probably already here." I whisper in rushed tones.

"Shh, shh, shh, no, no." He whispers back eagerly. "I need to be here. He won't find me."

"You're an idiot if you think he won't." I snap. I'm pissed. Why would Stefan return? Especially like this? Have some class, Stefan.

He growls back to me, eyes dark, "You gave Damon the cure."

"You thought I wouldn't." My arms fold across my chest. "Why?"

"Because you're a bitch, Katherine. Why did you do it?"

I shrugged. "Damon gave me the vervian and I owed him." My eyes look down at the body. "So what's this all about, Stefan?"

He frowns, looking away. "I'll rid of the body."

"How generous of you not to expose the vampires in this town. This is bad. You need help."

His eyes meet mine. "I don't need help, Katherine. I'm fine. This is who I am."

My face relaxs, my brows raising. "Really? This isn't you, Stefan. You don't kill."

"I'm a vampire, Katherine. You kill, don't you? This is our nature. It's who we are. I've decided to accept that by now. Get over it." Since when did he get so snappish? Right, since the past few weeks he's spent with Klaus.

I step closer to him, getting in his face. "And what will your precious Elena think about this?" I know I'm pushing his buttons. Good. "Will she fall into your arms and swoon over your return? Not like this, Stefan. I don't think so."

He hisses and pounces on me. I fight back, dodging his blows. Eventually, though, he pins me down. I give him a great kick to the stomach and he flys backward. His back smacks off of the concrete. He gets up quickly; more quicker than I thought.

He's much stronger than he was with animal blood. Much stronger.

Realization hits me hard. I realize that he's come back for her.

"If you think she wants you anymore, Stefan, she doesn't." I breathe, fangs exposed and panting.

He narrows his eyes at me. I continue. "You think she's spent this time mourning your leaving? She kissed Damon."

Stefan's reaction is priceless. He doesn't breathe, only stares at me. He then growls. "You're lying."

"Really? Then maybe when you see her, you should ask. She kissed Damon." I smirk and a giggle escapes my lips. "Before she knew you even left, actually."

"Liar!" He lunges at me and I dodge him. My instincts tell me to flee. I will. He doesn't come after me a second time, but we've now changed spots. I smile.

"I'm not lying, Stefan. I walked in on them when I was bringing the cure. It was quite...emotional, really. Feelings were being confessed. Wish you were there to see it." I walk over to him and run a gentle hand across his chest. I circle him like a jungle cat. I know that he's hurt.

A giggle escapes my lips again. "_I've _been loyal to you, Stef. Would never do that to you." and I whisper softly into his ear, "Get rid of that body."

And I'm gone, running. Running to distance myself from that monster. From the Klaus magnet. From the game I'm playing. From the game I wish I didn't play. From my feelings. From my love.

From the man I still love, even after this.


	7. I can't make you love me if you don't

_Ugh, I'm so sorry! I keep slacking with my updates. But hopefully we're on track again... I'm getting so caught up in the amazing fanfics on here! Really, they're amazing! Gives me inspiration to write, write, write. Which is what I'm doing. Here's another special chapter via Damon._

_I also wanted to personally thank everybody that reads this. While other fics have over a hundred reviews, I get excited to see less than twenty. As long as you tell me you're still interested, I'll keep writing. Thank you so much to every single one of you that enjoys my story. Truly._

_In other news... 2 DAYS UNTIL THE VAMPIRE DIARIES SEASON 3! _

**I can't make you love me if you don't. **

**You can't make your heart feel something that it won't. **

I can still hear her screaming. I can still feel her pounding on my chest; each blow another internal wound on me. On second thought, that was a little dramatic. But I did what I had to do. I had to keep her safe. Her voice pierced through my soul. Her sobs. Her tears, falling from her face as she looked at me as if I had just betrayed her.

Bonnie was still unsure whether or not she wanted to do this. I growled at the witch. "Elena needs to be kept away from Stefan. No matter what he says, no matter what he does – he needs to stay away."

She sighed. "I know.. I just...It's hard."

I poured myself a glass of bourbon. "Get over it, Bonnie. We need to be sure of this..unless, of course, we want to find Elena with her throat ripped out."

"Would he do that?"

"Do you think he would?" I raised my brows at her.

Remembering seeing Stefan in Mystic Falls, Bonnie remained silent. From the basement, Elena's cries filled the loud silence between Bonnie and I. Her tone was torturing me.

"Damon! You can't do this! _YOU CAN'T DO THIS!"_ I could hear her pounding on the metal door. I could hear her tiny fingers grasping the metallic bars with as much strength as she could manage. "Damon! Please! _Please!_ We need to find Stefan! He's here! Please, Damon! Damon? Let me out! Let me out! Let me..." her words were caught in a choked cry. She was literally crying until she could not manage any words. Until she couldn't scream anymore. Until she couldn't think anymore.

And eventually, until she couldn't stay awake anymore.

Bonnie remained with me until Elena finally drifted away from reality. The witch's company sure as hell wasn't the best, but it was nice to have someone distract me from going down there, taking Elena into my arms, and whispering apologies.

"Are you sure you're taking her somewhere safe?" Bonnie asked for the hundreth time. I groaned, leading her down to the basement.

"Anywhere away from Stefan is the safest she'll be." Bonnie still didn't look convinced so I caught her eye. "I'll take care of her."

This, I realized, she seemed to believe. Nodding to me, she opened the metal door where Elena slept not-so-peacefully. In her slumber, her normally angelic expression was distressed. I wish I could soothe her. Instead, I picked her up in my arms and began carrying her out to my waiting car. Her luggage was packed – who knew how long we'd have to hide away. It fell over me with a sick realization that I was leaving my brother. Here he was, right in my lap, and I was throwing him away. He needs my help. _Don't worry, brother. I'll save both of you._ I think as I look down at my Elena's face.

After placing Elena in the car and shutting the door, I looked at the witch. She looked...afraid. "I'll be back to deal with Stefan.. try to keep him in Mystic Falls. If you can't, it's fine."

She nods and doesn't say anything. Before I know it I'm standing alone because she returns to her car and drives away. I wonder how far I should distance Stefan and Elena. No doubt this is what Stefan came back for: her. He wanted her to embrace him and tell him how much she loves him. But she won't do that. I know her, now. I know that she would be terrified to see Stefan like this monster. A ripper. I have to distance her. I have to.

And so I do, taking her out of state. It's a long drive, but worth it, and when Elena wakes up she is all too happy to find out where she is.

"We're _where?"_ a hiss escaped her mouth.

"Almost in New York." I smirk a sideways glance at her. She stares at me furiously. Cute.

"Damon what the hell are you doing? Stefan's home! We can help him. I don't know what you're trying to prove by taking me off on a road trip."

I almost laugh. "Sweetheart, this is for your safety. Stefan's going on a rampage back in Mystic Falls."

"All the more reason to go! We can talk to him."  
>"Yeaaaah..I don't think he wants to talk to anyone."<p>

Elena slams her fists on the seats like an angry kitten. "Dammit, Damon! You were willing to take me along to find Stefan but as soon as we find him you run with me in the other direction?"

I exhale throughout my nose. She's so irritating sometimes. "Yes, Elena. Precisely."

"Then why would you ever agree to taking me to find him in the first place?" She presses. "Did you plan to dump me off in some random town and continue searching by yourself? Or did you just think that in the process I'd fall in love with you and forget all about Stefan?"

I grip the steering wheel. "What? You think that's my master plan? Get a grip, Elena."

For a moment, when I catch her eye, it seems as though she wants to take her words back. But Elena is still Elena. Meaning that even if she wants to take them back, she won't.

"Well..what the hell IS your plan, Damon? Take me back."

"No."  
>"Damon! Take. me. Back! Please." The 'please' gets lodged in her throat and I almost swerve the car off of the nearest cliff. Jesus Christ. I can't take this. I can't take the begging, the cries, the whining...<p>

At last, I sigh, "I'm sorry, Elena. But this is for your own protection." Tears fall down her face as she stares at me in awe. Remember, Damon, this is for the best. For her safety. Keep her safe. You need to keep her safe. The silence between us is awkward and uncomfortable. She doesn't speak and neither do I.

Not for a very long time.

**Elena Gilbert**

I was staring out the window, watching the trees and houses pass the highway. I didn't know how fast we were going and I did not care. The feel of my body being forced back into the seat was a reminder that I am still alive. I am still able to die. Quite dramatic, I think, but I can't let Damon get the best of me. It's been three hours since our fight and it's been two hours since we stopped to check in at this beautiful hotel called _Libre._ Not a very nice name – I think it means something in french – but the inside was stunning. Our room was a beautiful golden with clean sheets and spotless floors. The bathroom was a brilliant marble with an extra deep bathrub. I knew what I'd be doing tonight: taking a long, hot bath.

So I did, which is where I am now, pondering my thoughts. The bubbles are soothing and would you believe it if I told you that I even lit two vanilla-scented candles? With the lights off, I just sit in the water and relax.

I can't deny that there is a strange ache in my chest that longs for Damon. I haven't heard his voice in over five hours. It's so painful. Despite how badly he pissed me off and betrayed me, I still need him. He's my clutch. He's the reason why I haven't gone off of the deep end. Biting my tongue finds useful – especially now when all I want to do is invite him in here and hum a melody to me. A sweet melody. A reassuring melody.

I think of Stefan. What is he doing right now? Is Bonnie OK? Caroline? What about Jeremy? I feel so..so...lost. Damon didn't bring my phone – but he brought his. Maybe I could...no, forget about it. He'd never let you near his phone. Maybe when he fell asleep tonight? Surely that would work. My mind flashes back to Bonnie's dramatic confession: "They're in Mystic Falls."

"_What? He's .. here? Stefan's here?" I frantically search Damon's face for any shock or emotion. Anything at all; but it's blank. His eyes are focused on Bonnie. "Bad? What's Bad?"_

_Damon looks at me and struggles for words. "Elena he's not...better. He's still ripping."_

_I swallow. "But this is good, right? We can help him." My arm reaches out to grip Damon's bicep. "We can get him away from Klaus."_

"_Elena.." Bonnie whispers. My eyes fall onto her face. It's pained with an expression I can't put my finger on. Disgust?_

"_Bonnie? What?" _

"_It's horrible, Elena."  
><em>

Then suddenly I was screaming and crying and Damon's arms were around me. I was demanding to see Stefan. I was in denial. He couldn't be like this. No, that was not the man I loved. My Stefan was sweet, caring, and had respect for human life. He wasn't this monster. Next thing I knew I was being thrown into the basement cell of the Salvatore mansion. I screamed and cried until I didn't have anything left of me. How dare he. How dare Damon lock me up and seal me away from Stefan.

Who does he think he is? 

...and then, there it is. That tiny flutter, like a hummingbird's wings, that makes me blush at the way Damon is so protective. It makes me grateful. I see through him, through his dick exterior, and into his soul. The caring, kind soul that he has. Tears fall down my face. Why am I so confused? Why do I think hatred of Stefan? Why do I think kindness of his brother?

Because I love Stefan. Because I don't like Damon.

Because I _used _to love Stefan. Because I'm i_n love _with Damon.

I cry some more, not caring that the man I love is in the other room listening to me. Maybe I'm hoping he'll stride in with his eyes looking over my naked body.

NO, Elena. It's not like that. No. Gah! Why are you so difficult? You make everything so much more harder on yourself.

Once my tears dry, I decide it's enough of bath time. The bathroom is fogged and damp and I eagerly change into the soft, silky bedtime shorts and T-shirt that was packed for me. I think about putting on a bra but in the end I just give up and step out into the bedroom. The room is dark. Damon's already in bed.

You honestly don't know how thankful I am that there are two seperate beds for us to sleep in. I can't crawl into bed with him. Not tonight.

Not after all of this.

I'm quiet as can be, slipping under the gold covers and letting the bed fold to my curves. My brown orbs close, my mind shutting down and letting itself gain it's energy back. The energy I used up crying, that is. I'm almost half-asleep when his voice breaks the darkness.

"I was going to bring you along because I didn't think we'd find Stefan." The words sink into my soul. He had no hope? After all we've been through he never, not once, had hope from the beginning? I'm angry. He was just humoring me? It was all for my benefit. Maybe he'd finish up the trip we never took with a "We can't find him, Elena. Let's go home." and then I would reconsider falling in love with him?

There's two problems. One, Stefan needed him. Two, I was _already_ in love with him. He didn't need to stage everything. Or, stupid me, what if he really wasn't staging anything at all? What if..in some sick, twisted, Damon way..he absolutely wanted the best for me? The ache is back. Only this time it's a wound and it hurts to even breathe. My lungs struggle for air; I'm sobbing.

I climb out of bed and into his, snuggling against him. He turns over, allowing me to rest my head on his chest. "Damon..I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't mean to hurt you. I don't mean to..be so confused. Or angry. Please forgive me."

It's times like these when I wonder why I'm the one always apologizing to Damon when just a year ago the situation was reversed. Strange things happen, don't they?  
>He doesn't say anything and I don't take his silence as an acceptance. He wraps his arms around me and I feel like flying.<p>

"I know you don't ever try and force me to fall in love with you. I'm sorry I ever said that. It was stupid. I was mad." The words come out of my mouth in a blur.

"I know." he breathes and his breath is cool and minty. I almost faint. "It's OK, Elena. I don't need another 'I love you, but I'm not in love with you.' speech. You nailed the last one."

"No," I say quickly. "No, Damon. I'm in love with you. I know I am. I just don't know what to do about it." The tears pour down my face. "I'm so confused. Why do I love you, Damon? Why has this changed? You piss me off, betray me, lock me up and I still need you."

He cups a hand to my cheek and wipes away the tears with his thumb.

"Don't be confused." He suggests.

"Easy for you to say."

"Elena?"

"Hm?"

"I love you."

"I love you.." I whisper the words back, feeling confident in their meaning.

And with a slow, tiny movement my lips find his in the darkness.


End file.
